An alternative candy heart, with apologies for the inch mark as apostrophe
According to the Retail Advertising and Marketing Association, Valentine’s Day racks up nearly 14 billion dollars in sales annually. (Bear in mind that a significant portion of that is for pet gifts.) Needing inspiration for what to get that special someone? Herewith, some unorthodox suggestions, and unsolicited advice.
For starters, we’d like to go out on a limb here and suggest that a laundry basket
might not capture the moment. Same goes for vitamins and extension cords. Ditto bay leaves
That said, not everyone gravitates to chocolate and roses: if you’re more a skeptic than a romantic, you might consider trying these
, because face it, who among us wouldn’t thrill to the idea of a conversation heart that says Dork Magnet
? (Lie if you must.) Maybe only a dork magnet would send this
, but we love it anyway. Subversive cross-stiching: who knew?
Meanwhile, as you contemplate which gift to get that special someone, why not watch this animated love triangle
between a walrus, a lobster and a sea lion? Or take a look at this: Bed bug mating rituals
, proving that some people believe watching insects hooking up constitutes romance. (More
here, in honor of this special day, from the Nature Conservancy, via Huffington Post.)
Still short on gift ideas? Wait no more! Turns out that the fast-food chain Pizza Hut is hyping its own bespoke scent, called — yes, you guessed it, Eau de Pizza Hut
, which we think would have fit quite nicely into the matchmaking lottery during the Ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia.
Finally, remember that if nobody out there loves you, you can be always buy a fake Facebook partner
— and if you think that sounds pathetic, remember that 15% of all U.S. flower sales on Valentine's Day come from women sending blooms to, of all things, themselves